A new post for my fans ;)

So does anyone get on blogspot anymore? I think people have better things to do with their time... like log onto facebook... But I think the world needs to know that I'm pregnant... just kidding. That would be pretty sweet... giving the circumstances that I was married and not still in school.

God is a God of peace. right? he loves, gives joy, saves... it's so awesome. Sometimes though, we go through things that no matter how much we read and how much we worship we don't feel at peace. So does that mean we don't have a good relationship with God at the time? If someone has hurt me and I'm crying and angry, am i farther away from God because of that?

This past week has been the worse week of my life. Someone I trusted with all of my heart and truly believed in lied to me and threw me away like I was nothing. During all of this I was hurt, confused with how to react in certain situations, I have cried, barely eaten, barely slept. I have been far from at peace. But, I have still prayed, sought the Lord's truth, and worshiped him in my weakness.

So is being at peace with God the only way to be close to him? I don't think so. I've felt at peace with the Lord, and still felt far. But now, I feel God holding me through this. I cling to his promises that I will be ok and experience true peace and joy through difficult situations. The Lord is close to the Brokenhearted. The Lord has blessed me with friends to make me laugh when I thought I would never laugh again. He will eventually bless me with peace and understanding of his perfect plan. I have a family who loves me. No one can bring me down from the Lord's right hand. I am there no matter how hurt, how happy, how much I run from him, how angry I am...etc. The Lord's love will never fail me. He is good.

So some of ya'll have no idea what I am talking about, only a few close friends do, but If you could please keep me, this situation, and the person who hurt me in your prayers I'd really appreciate it.

Love,
~Lauren

Revelation Song

Worthy is the, Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song, to him who sits on
Heaven's mercy seat

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

Clothed in rainbows, of living color
Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and glory and power be
to You the only wise King

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder
At the mention of your name
Jesus your name is power
Breath, and living water
Such a marvelous mystery
Yeah...

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come, yeah
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

Ok Now I'm serious when I tell you to listen to this song as loud as your speakers will let you and close your eyes. If you play it on a lap top and it's not very loud then plug some headphones in your ears and turn it up. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_3W8XI7W2w << class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">youtube.

I think when I do that I'm getting a small glimpse of what heaven will be like. I'm probably way off, but I like to pretend i'm sitting with millions and millions of people with God in front of us on his thrown. When I look up at his thrown it's really bright and i feel really small compared to his power. The part that says "Blessing and honor, strength and glory and power be
to You the only wise King" makes me think of how small and powerless I am, but he's King and he holds my life in his hands. Then the chorus...Dang that chorus...leaves me speachless. Especially this part
"With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You"
It reminds me that no matter what happens in this life I'll be praising the King forever. I obsess over so many little things that don't matter. God is King and always will be. If i have this assurance then why do I worry? Even the big events in my life will soon go away. School, my future career, my future family...everything that I put before God. Why do I worry about these things when they are all in the hands of such an almighty God? It doesn't make sense does it?

Anyway I just wanted everyone to listen to this song. It's powerful and I love it. byee.

~Lauren~

my thoughts lately

SOO it's been a while...again. I never knew life could get so hard. ACU is the place where life was supposed to start for me and everything good in my life was going to happen. I've learned a lot about myself this semester that's for sure. Don't get me wrong, I really like it here. I've made some great friends that I don't want to leave. However I am in a deep financial hole. My parents cannot co-sign for my loans so i'm not sure how i'm going to pay for the remainder of my school. As of now I owe $1000 dollars to ACU just so i can register for classes next semester. I think I can work during the christmas break to make that up, but I cannot work enough hours during next semester to make enough money to cover the cost of school. I love how they told me not to let money stop me from coming here. As of now my older sister is going to try to co-sign for me but she doesn't really know if she'll get approved because she doesn't actually have any credit yet. So if that doesn't work I'll ask my grandparents...we'll see how that plays out. If neither of these options work I don't know what i'm going to do yet. I'm really lost right now in all of this. I knew money was an issue but i didn't think i'd have to worry about it until I graduated. I don't mind working my way through college. I know i'll probably apprieciate it a lot more, but the simple fact is that ACU is expensive. Please pray for God to give me peace and direction in this sittuation. My dad obviously isn't helping me and kelsey and I sharing a car just isn't working out. So Prayers are greatly apprieciated!

Also, about my major. As of now I am still declared Children and Family ministry. That is mainly because of the scholarship. I most likely will be changing to Early Childhood Education next fall. This is something I have been thinking about before I even started this semester, but through a lot of thinking, prayer, observation, and the bit of experience I have, I don't think I want to work in a church. I don't want the place I work to be the place I have to worship. Also, biblically, the leaders of the church are not payed. They lead because the love of christ compells them to do so. I want to do that. I don't want to work in a church as a career. I think that is a reason for corruption in the church. I mean when did churches need a logo and once they get a logo they have to put it on everything like t shirts and car decals... Everything is so structured and planned and it doesn't leave room for the spirit to move. Not that i am against church, these are just things i've noticed. Also i think christians use church to do the work of christianity for them. Church is supposed to be a place where believers gather to worship and fellowship together. Instead, we invite nonbelievers in hopes that church will tell them about christ so we don't have to. Bringing others to christ i believe is not supposed to be done in church. That's why i think that so many people come and feel like they can't live up to these seemingly perfect people. Church is where imperfect christians come and help eachother grow stronger in their faith so they can go out into the world and bring others to christ. Then once they have brought someone to christ that person can join in the fellowship that is church. Also as far as children's ministry goes I think I like the major more than I would like the actual job. From my experience which once again is not that much, a children's minister does not actually spend that much time with children. They spend more time directing and writing curriculem than actually building relationships and ministering to kids. I believe it's an important job, just not what I was called to do. I do want to minister to children, but I am not a director. I can't even organize my own life so what makes me think I can organize a week of kids camp? Not that me not wanting to do this is a bad thing, at least I don't think it is. I just don't see those things as my strong suits and I want to do something that I feel like I could be good at. That's why I want to be a teacher. I think I would be able to reach kids better and build relationships with them in a classroom where I got to see them everyday. I'd get my own classroom and I could decorate it:) and little kids with speech impediments would call me Ms. Whatland cause they can't pronounce their R's haha.

Anyways, that's a bit of what has been going on in my life lately... HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! ;)

Welcome back!

Wow it's been a while! My life is so different since the last time i blogged...mainly cause i'm in college now. Did I actually just say that? I'm a college woman..watch out. The funny thing is, it's a lot different than I expected it to be. Not different in a bad way. I can't really explain it. Mainly I thought that going to college I would finally just be in my element and nothing would go wrong and i'd just have everything figured out. Yeah i know...grow up Lauren. I'm still confused a lot. I still know God has a plan for me. The question is what. I obviously over think every little thing in life..still. Is there something wrong with me? Well of course there is, I'm human. I think it's funny that I always blog my frustrations with life. Can someone just tell me to calm down please? I mean I almost forgot I had this little guy set up..I've been struggling in my faith since I got here. It was really sudden. I am in a bible class, I've gotten pretty involved at church, but my personal relationship with God is...well rough. I've become a totally different person and when I say different this I mean it in a bad way. Satan has me really figured out. I hate him. I feel like i'm not me at all. I've noticed this tremendously in some of my relationships. I don't love people the way I should. Ministry to others is a way i used to connect with God and I'm a ministry major and I can't think of anything i've done lately to help someone. I mean I did give some people rides the other day...i'll go ahead and pat myself on the back for that one..khudos. The point is..I love the Lord. I need the Lord, but I'm too lazy and selfish to let him make his home in my heart again. I need prayer. I need to pray. I need a lot of things i guess. I need to not focus on myself is what I need to do. I mean..when God looks at this world, I am not in the center of it. My world has very little to do with God's kingdom so why do I make it seem that way? Selfishness. I've read the bible quite a bit today. God is really opening my eyes. I started a new prayer journal again...I'm a prayer journal junkie sometimes. It's good cause it helps me focus my prayers. I'll tell you something. God is good. He will be praised. No matter what's going on in my life he is Lord. I'm proclaiming that right now. The next step is to start living like I believe that again. Any ideas?...to the 3 people who read this...lol Thanks faithful readers..that is if ya'll still blog. Well I hope everything is going well.


Until next time,
Lauren

Ps. Clint, next time you try to get me to class on the day they show a snake video...You die. It's clear that's the reason you were so worried about me not being in class..jerk.

Humble Yourself In The Sight Of The Lord

God is allll up in Honduras. Everything there reflected God's glory. From the people to the beautiful scenery. There is nothing more humbling than to be in such a presence. The moment on the trip when I realized God was working is when Ariel got baptized. The day before we left to go to Honduras I was thinking about her and I just started praying for her. I prayed that she would find God on this trip and that he would work in her heart. Then about day 2 of the trip she was getting baptized. God worked fast on that one. Props. Then Sunday night came my time for bonding. If you have never bonded, I highly, highly recommend it. What is bonding? You may ask. Well, on a mission trip, you and maybe 1 or 2 other people in your group stay in the home of a family from where ever you are. In this case it was Honduras obviously. For about 24 hours I lived with a Honduran family. This family consisted of a mother, 6 kids, 1 grandchild, a cat named rainbow (I'm not sure where they got that from), and a lot of chickens. It's amazing how close you can get to people who don't even speak the same language as you in 24 hours. It's obviously a God thing. So, dinner time came with the family. Something you should know before I go on is that the Wednesday before this my food bagging group had just delivered a bag of food to this family. Anyways...dinner time. They gave us a bowl of rice, beans, tortillas, cheese, and meat. We (and when I say we i mean me, sherry, and Kelsey) sat down to eat and they sat and watched us eat. Then i realized we were probably eating food out of the food bag that we had given them a few days before. What the heck? I'm supposed to be helping these people they aren't supposed to be giving me everything they have. Why were they doing that? I've never had such a humbling experience. They were sacrificing so that we would feel comfortable. They gave us their beds to sleep on as well. Are you seeing the pattern? They were being Jesus to us when i was supposed to be Jesus to them. Why? Well I can only come to one conclusion. I'm pretty sure the love of Christ was compelling them. I'm so thankful for that experience. I can't begin to describe how blessed I am, and how much of myself I don't give to better God's kingdom. These people actually had nothing, yet they were so content. In Sugar Land I'm considered middle to lower class, to them I'm so rich. Yet I still think of all the things I "need". When I have everything I need. God has blessed me so richly. Now It's my responsibility to bless others who are less fortunate than me. That's what the body of Christ is supposed to do. So I'm going to end with a song lyric.

Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord
and he will lift you up

In Honduras I was humbled in the sight of the Lord, and he lifted me up. I encourage everyone to do something for someone else today!

~Lauren~

Another post with another list

Well...life's pretty crazy these days! I'm leaving for Honduras in less than a week! I'm so excited. It's so weird that this is my senior mission trip. We've been preparing all year for it and the time has finally come! I can't wait to see what God does! I'm doing my best to make as much money as I can before college. Crap! I'm a college student. It's getting pretty hardcore, I know. Just the thought of balancing my school work, a job and a social life stressesmeout.com! I'm definitely ready to get out of the SL though. You know, get out on my own and be more independent. Have you ever had so many things you wanna do in your life, but you feel so overwhelmed by not having enough time? Tonight I was at church and the Hope for Haiti's Children thing was going on. I was thinking about how badly I want to do Mission work. Then I started thinking about how many other things I want to do in my life.

Things I want to do before I die (in no particular order):
-Be a Children's minister (obviously, it's my major for a reason)
-Do long term mission work
-Become and wife and a mother
-Be a back up singer...this is a new dream of mine that I think would be the coolest job in the world! I mean, you get to sing harmony and travel with famous people, but you stay out of the lime light. That's what I call PFS (pretty freakin' sweet).
-Be an elementary school teacher..another new dream. I recently thought about this. If Children's ministry doesn't work out (or I can do both), I think teaching elementary school would be an awesome job. I mean...reading stories, teaching kids how to write in cursive, recess, and times tables...yeah I could definitely do that.
-Adopt from another country (country still unknown).
-Show people the Love of Jesus Christ.

Well, I went a little list crazy again...but what can you do? It is what it is. :) Please pray for the senior class as we go off to Honduras!!

~lauren~

My Lists

I'm A Firm Believer In:
-God
-The messiah
-love
-an absolute truth
-laughing
-crying...when people aren't watching of course
-working hard for a good cause
-integrity (doing the right thing when no one is watching)

Things That Scare me:
-snakes (shocker)
-the unknown
-making mistakes
-my future
-my family or friends dying
-never having kids or getting married

Things That Make Me Happy:
-God
-children
-flowers
-suprizes
-feeling needed
-bubbles
-singing
-worshiping
-getting my nails done (does't happen that often)
-dressing up
-things that smell good
-thoughtfulness
-driving just to think (aka waisting gas)
-FCYG
-big sun glasses (the bigger the better)
-good conversation
-sarcasm
-bad jokes
-good jokes
-cute animals
-making over $100 in one night at the OB
-being the only person that actually calls outback the OB
-laughing

So I just thought I needed an update :) This is a good idea...ya'll should do the same in your blog!! make a list of things u believe in, things that make you happy and things that scare you. It feels good. Have a good day! :)

~lauren~