Welcome back!

Wow it's been a while! My life is so different since the last time i blogged...mainly cause i'm in college now. Did I actually just say that? I'm a college woman..watch out. The funny thing is, it's a lot different than I expected it to be. Not different in a bad way. I can't really explain it. Mainly I thought that going to college I would finally just be in my element and nothing would go wrong and i'd just have everything figured out. Yeah i know...grow up Lauren. I'm still confused a lot. I still know God has a plan for me. The question is what. I obviously over think every little thing in life..still. Is there something wrong with me? Well of course there is, I'm human. I think it's funny that I always blog my frustrations with life. Can someone just tell me to calm down please? I mean I almost forgot I had this little guy set up..I've been struggling in my faith since I got here. It was really sudden. I am in a bible class, I've gotten pretty involved at church, but my personal relationship with God is...well rough. I've become a totally different person and when I say different this I mean it in a bad way. Satan has me really figured out. I hate him. I feel like i'm not me at all. I've noticed this tremendously in some of my relationships. I don't love people the way I should. Ministry to others is a way i used to connect with God and I'm a ministry major and I can't think of anything i've done lately to help someone. I mean I did give some people rides the other day...i'll go ahead and pat myself on the back for that one..khudos. The point is..I love the Lord. I need the Lord, but I'm too lazy and selfish to let him make his home in my heart again. I need prayer. I need to pray. I need a lot of things i guess. I need to not focus on myself is what I need to do. I mean..when God looks at this world, I am not in the center of it. My world has very little to do with God's kingdom so why do I make it seem that way? Selfishness. I've read the bible quite a bit today. God is really opening my eyes. I started a new prayer journal again...I'm a prayer journal junkie sometimes. It's good cause it helps me focus my prayers. I'll tell you something. God is good. He will be praised. No matter what's going on in my life he is Lord. I'm proclaiming that right now. The next step is to start living like I believe that again. Any ideas?...to the 3 people who read this...lol Thanks faithful readers..that is if ya'll still blog. Well I hope everything is going well.


Until next time,
Lauren

Ps. Clint, next time you try to get me to class on the day they show a snake video...You die. It's clear that's the reason you were so worried about me not being in class..jerk.

Humble Yourself In The Sight Of The Lord

God is allll up in Honduras. Everything there reflected God's glory. From the people to the beautiful scenery. There is nothing more humbling than to be in such a presence. The moment on the trip when I realized God was working is when Ariel got baptized. The day before we left to go to Honduras I was thinking about her and I just started praying for her. I prayed that she would find God on this trip and that he would work in her heart. Then about day 2 of the trip she was getting baptized. God worked fast on that one. Props. Then Sunday night came my time for bonding. If you have never bonded, I highly, highly recommend it. What is bonding? You may ask. Well, on a mission trip, you and maybe 1 or 2 other people in your group stay in the home of a family from where ever you are. In this case it was Honduras obviously. For about 24 hours I lived with a Honduran family. This family consisted of a mother, 6 kids, 1 grandchild, a cat named rainbow (I'm not sure where they got that from), and a lot of chickens. It's amazing how close you can get to people who don't even speak the same language as you in 24 hours. It's obviously a God thing. So, dinner time came with the family. Something you should know before I go on is that the Wednesday before this my food bagging group had just delivered a bag of food to this family. Anyways...dinner time. They gave us a bowl of rice, beans, tortillas, cheese, and meat. We (and when I say we i mean me, sherry, and Kelsey) sat down to eat and they sat and watched us eat. Then i realized we were probably eating food out of the food bag that we had given them a few days before. What the heck? I'm supposed to be helping these people they aren't supposed to be giving me everything they have. Why were they doing that? I've never had such a humbling experience. They were sacrificing so that we would feel comfortable. They gave us their beds to sleep on as well. Are you seeing the pattern? They were being Jesus to us when i was supposed to be Jesus to them. Why? Well I can only come to one conclusion. I'm pretty sure the love of Christ was compelling them. I'm so thankful for that experience. I can't begin to describe how blessed I am, and how much of myself I don't give to better God's kingdom. These people actually had nothing, yet they were so content. In Sugar Land I'm considered middle to lower class, to them I'm so rich. Yet I still think of all the things I "need". When I have everything I need. God has blessed me so richly. Now It's my responsibility to bless others who are less fortunate than me. That's what the body of Christ is supposed to do. So I'm going to end with a song lyric.

Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord
and he will lift you up

In Honduras I was humbled in the sight of the Lord, and he lifted me up. I encourage everyone to do something for someone else today!

~Lauren~

Another post with another list

Well...life's pretty crazy these days! I'm leaving for Honduras in less than a week! I'm so excited. It's so weird that this is my senior mission trip. We've been preparing all year for it and the time has finally come! I can't wait to see what God does! I'm doing my best to make as much money as I can before college. Crap! I'm a college student. It's getting pretty hardcore, I know. Just the thought of balancing my school work, a job and a social life stressesmeout.com! I'm definitely ready to get out of the SL though. You know, get out on my own and be more independent. Have you ever had so many things you wanna do in your life, but you feel so overwhelmed by not having enough time? Tonight I was at church and the Hope for Haiti's Children thing was going on. I was thinking about how badly I want to do Mission work. Then I started thinking about how many other things I want to do in my life.

Things I want to do before I die (in no particular order):
-Be a Children's minister (obviously, it's my major for a reason)
-Do long term mission work
-Become and wife and a mother
-Be a back up singer...this is a new dream of mine that I think would be the coolest job in the world! I mean, you get to sing harmony and travel with famous people, but you stay out of the lime light. That's what I call PFS (pretty freakin' sweet).
-Be an elementary school teacher..another new dream. I recently thought about this. If Children's ministry doesn't work out (or I can do both), I think teaching elementary school would be an awesome job. I mean...reading stories, teaching kids how to write in cursive, recess, and times tables...yeah I could definitely do that.
-Adopt from another country (country still unknown).
-Show people the Love of Jesus Christ.

Well, I went a little list crazy again...but what can you do? It is what it is. :) Please pray for the senior class as we go off to Honduras!!

~lauren~

My Lists

I'm A Firm Believer In:
-God
-The messiah
-love
-an absolute truth
-laughing
-crying...when people aren't watching of course
-working hard for a good cause
-integrity (doing the right thing when no one is watching)

Things That Scare me:
-snakes (shocker)
-the unknown
-making mistakes
-my future
-my family or friends dying
-never having kids or getting married

Things That Make Me Happy:
-God
-children
-flowers
-suprizes
-feeling needed
-bubbles
-singing
-worshiping
-getting my nails done (does't happen that often)
-dressing up
-things that smell good
-thoughtfulness
-driving just to think (aka waisting gas)
-FCYG
-big sun glasses (the bigger the better)
-good conversation
-sarcasm
-bad jokes
-good jokes
-cute animals
-making over $100 in one night at the OB
-being the only person that actually calls outback the OB
-laughing

So I just thought I needed an update :) This is a good idea...ya'll should do the same in your blog!! make a list of things u believe in, things that make you happy and things that scare you. It feels good. Have a good day! :)

~lauren~

Amazed

My Testimony?
That's a good question. Why do I believe what I believe?
As I look back on my life I realize that even through the struggles, God has protected me more than I could ever imagine. I have no Idea why I am the way I am. Why I love God and choose to follow him. I've always had faith, big or small, it was still faith. I grew up knowing the truth. Even through hard times I still remained faithful, but I couldn't tell you why. I believe with all of my heart that God wants me on his side. For some reason he has a plan for me in his kingdom somewhere. There is no way I would be where I am right now If he didn't.

Bordo and I had a conversation the other day. First off, I was thinking about not going to Honduras because of money. Then he called me and told me that someone wanted to pay for me and Kelsey to go. I didn't want to take the money at first. One, because the church has helped me out too much in my life and I felt bad. Two, because It was more expensive than a trip to Mexico. I was crying on the phone when he told me. He told me to take the money, and to think of it as a faith builder and a blessing from God. He said that sometimes God blesses us for remaining faithful. That's what got me the most. All the times I have not been completely faithful, and he chooses to bless me for being faithful? Did I just contradict myself from the first paragraph?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that God is always taking care of me, even when I don't realize it. The song that comes to mind is obviously Lord I'm Amazed By You.

You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear a sound

Lord I'm amazed by you
Lord I'm amazed by you
Lord I'm amazed by you
How you love me


Find something to be amazed about.
~Lauren~

This is the day that the Lord has made!

Have you ever had one of those days were you're just happy to be alive? I hope you have, because it's a good feeling. With so many things going on and so many things to get done, it's hard to remember that God has blessed you with another day on this earth. Today hasn't been anything special. I woke up around 10 30 or 11, watched lion king 2 (don't judge), took a shower, dropped kelsey off at work, and now I'm just chilling until I go eat dinner with my mom and then I will be babysitting on my night off of work. I'm not gonna lie, I was a little upset about babysitting on my night off, but 1. I absolutely love the little girl I'm taking care of 2. I need money 3. Why be upset? It will be fun. I'm just glad that it's such a pretty day outside! Why am I so happy today? Nothing really special happened or will happen. I'd like to say it's the joy of the Lord!

I just thought I'd post on a good day, since most of my posts are complaints about how confused I always am...jk, sort of.

Have a blessed day,
~Lauren~

I can't think of a clever title

In exactly two months from today I will be an official High school graduate. This weekend was the last time for me to sing UIL music with a choir I have come to appreciate and love. A lot of the people in that choir I have been singing with since the 6th grade. I remember our first UIL competition. I just sang at my last. While we were in the warm up room, we were about to sing through our last song, and all the seniors realized this was our last time to sing together for competition and that we needed to sing the best we possibly could for each other because we owed it to ourselves and each other. Ummm...i didn't make it through the song. I cried. I realized how much I will miss choir while we were singing. Then we went on stage and did amazing.com. We placed 2nd in our class (5A varsity mixed) then we also placed 2nd in the festival (out of all the choirs, bands and orchestras). I felt pretty good about that. Except the choir that beat us were jerks. We beat out a TMEA honor choir. If you're not in choir that probably means nothing to you, but it's actually pretty big time.

So money sucks. I hate it. I hated it when I didn't have it, and I still hate it now that I have it. It stresses me out, because I make money and it seems like a lot, but then I remember that I'm going to a school that costs 23,000 a year to go to. Should I go to ACU? I hope it's worth it. Sometimes I wonder if I should just be a waitress for the rest of my life. I don't make enough to live on yet, but once I get better I could. There are people at Outback that BANK. I could move up and eventually own my very own Outback. How tight would that be? I wouldn't have to work my way through college, and risk not having a social life at all. I wouldn't have to worry about paying off thousands of dollars in loans. Plus, I'd get to wear a bright purple or green safari shirt every day for the rest of my life (don't worry, there are other colors too). Pretty much livin' the dream...I wish life wasn't so confusing. I'm sure it gets easier as I get older...wait, that's a lie. College is already stressing me out and I'm not even there yet. I know that anything worth having is worth working for. Going to the college of my dreams is worth having, so I will work for it. I want to be a children's minister. I want to make a difference in the world, which I have recently discovered is hard to do. Especially when you don't fit into the world. I know it's ok. This world is not my home. I'm called to be in the world not of the world. I walk into the kitchen at Outback and the F bomb is thrown out like it's nothing. It's sad that it's easier to conform to look like the world then it is to stay the way you are. Not that I'm yelling profanity left and right or anything, but I've noticed that it's not bothering me as much as it did at first. I've become numb to it.

I pray that God can use me to make a difference. I hope that that's what I'm living for. Sometimes in the busyness I forget why I'm here. Why I'm called. I want to be good at what I do. I'm trying so hard, that I forget that I'm on a mission field. Please pray that I can be a light at work. This job is honestly hard on me. I was scared to death when I first started. I'm getting better. Some people there think I'm shy. I'm only shy when I'm intimidated, which I am. I'm getting a lot better though, at least I think I am.

Things I love:
-God
-My twin sister
-my friends and family
-FCYG
-children
-music
-flowers
-things that smell good
-roller coasters
-people who inspire me to live out my faith
-crocks
-dance parties
-feeling like I'm apart of something bigger than myself
-laughing