When I am weak, my Lord you are strong

Story time.

Ever since I was a little girl I always prayed for my dad. He left us when I was about 4 or 5, but he's always been in my life, in fact I have lived with him for the past two or so years. Lately, those prayers for him came to a halt, because of arguments and the fact that he seemed almost like a lost cause. Then, last night I had a panic attack. I have been struggling with anxiety since this past summer. For anyone who hasn't been through that, be thankful. Anyways, what triggered this attack was a bible study that I lead in the office on Tuesday. We were discussing God's calling, and Drew was telling us how he believed that God called some people to his kingdom and didn't call others. I started wondering if I was actually one of those who God did not want. God hardened Pharaoh's heart, what if he wanted to harden mine? These thoughts made me sick, literally. I have never felt so close to Satan. I felt like he was consuming me. While this was happening, I was writing in my prayer journal, and praying aloud. I kept asking God to keep Satan away from me, and telling God that I needed him. I decided to call drew and talk to him, but he was on the other line. So while I was waiting for him to call me back I walked into the living room, and my dad saw that I was upset and asked me what was wrong. I asked him to hug me, and he did. Then he told me to explain myself. I'm not always the best at expressing emotions, especially negative ones. However, I sat down and did my best. I'm not sure if he really understood. Then, I had the urge to ask him If he ever read the Bible. He said "not as much as I should." I was expecting an answer similar to that. Then I said, "would you like it if we read the bible together sometime?" He agreed. Then I asked him If he had a bible ( i knew he didn't) He said no, but he said he'd buy one. Then he of course asked me if he "could get one with the big letters." I laughed. The conversation ended, and I went into my room and cried. I was having a panic attack and while I'm having it God is using me. Not only is he using me, he is answering a prayer I've prayed since I was a little girl. Also, I wrote in my journal for God to open my heart and eyes to see his Glory. Then I called Drew back and told him what happened, and he read me a verse:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor. 12:9-10

And it is so true. I'm so glad I serve a God who is way bigger and stronger than any of my weaknesses. A God who knows me better than I could ever know myself. Satan is good. He knows what hurts me, and he knows exactly where to put the knife. He knows what lies to whisper in my ear to cause me to doubt. But he's also scared. He's more afraid of God than I am of him, and If God is for me who can be against me? This is what I love about God. He always has my back ;)

Story time is over.

I hope everyone has a good day :)

~L.rUt~