Be still and know that I am God.

I started a new job at outback a couple of weeks ago. I'm not the best waitress. Mainly because I'm not exactly amazing with money, and I'm not very organized. Needless to say, these past couple of weeks have gone by so fast. I haven't stopped and taken a breath. All I do is go to school, work, then work again (working two jobs) then I sleep. That's all. I'm actually getting chapped lips from being stressed out. The reason? I'm not sure. Maybe I can't handle the load. I'm probably not built to run on 6 hours of sleep. I also would like to see people and have relationships with people. I think about the last couple of weeks. How many meaningful conversations did I have? Have I made any one's day? Have I thought about anything besides what needs to be done? No. I don't know why I'm trying to process this. The answer is pretty clear. I can't handle this load. Not by myself. God as not been apart of my life for the past couple of weeks. My prayers have been the ones I say at night because I feel bad for not praying, and you know I haven't been reading the word. I know I need to slow down and not try to take so much on, but college isn't free and it doesn't pay for itself. At least in my case it doesn't. No full rides for this girl. Maybe what is really overwhelming me is that I'm realizing that my life is actually starting. Responsibilities, and the fact that if something goes wrong in my life now, it's my fault. If I don't manage my money well I can't blame my parents like I can for their divorce. My life is in my hands now. The pitty parties are over. Life seriously is like a box of chocolate, and it's not because you never know what you're gonna get. It's cause you're scared to get the nasty coconut filled ones. Well that's my life anyway. Life in fear is not a life worth living. I shouldn't worry so much about my future. Should I? Is it worth stressing over? Or does everything really happen for a reason? If everything happens for a reason should I not take responsibility for my own actions? Because If I mess up it happened for a reason right? For me to learn my lesson and not do it again next time. Yep, I pretty much have life figured out...at the age of 18. Duh. We all think that don't we. Especially me. I'll never be as wise as I am now...Of course my sarcasm is getting the best of me. It happens.

So now I stop. I realize, once again that this life that I'm living has absolutely nothing to do with me. My life may or may not turn out the way I want it. I could grow up to be a lonely old lady with 10 cats, no kids and no husband. Lord willing that does not happen...I'd have dogs too if it were my way. (kidding of course) My point is that I need to stop worrying about the future, and pause in my busy life to just be still and know that God is in control. I'm not saying he is orchestrating my life, and I'm a little puppet, but at the end of the day, no matter what, he still IS. I'll say it again, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS life is like a box of chocolate. You may get the good caramel filled or the nasty coconut filled, but on the outside there's always chocolate.

I hope you like my analogies. :)

come visit me at outback,
~L.rUt~