Another post with another list

Well...life's pretty crazy these days! I'm leaving for Honduras in less than a week! I'm so excited. It's so weird that this is my senior mission trip. We've been preparing all year for it and the time has finally come! I can't wait to see what God does! I'm doing my best to make as much money as I can before college. Crap! I'm a college student. It's getting pretty hardcore, I know. Just the thought of balancing my school work, a job and a social life stressesmeout.com! I'm definitely ready to get out of the SL though. You know, get out on my own and be more independent. Have you ever had so many things you wanna do in your life, but you feel so overwhelmed by not having enough time? Tonight I was at church and the Hope for Haiti's Children thing was going on. I was thinking about how badly I want to do Mission work. Then I started thinking about how many other things I want to do in my life.

Things I want to do before I die (in no particular order):
-Be a Children's minister (obviously, it's my major for a reason)
-Do long term mission work
-Become and wife and a mother
-Be a back up singer...this is a new dream of mine that I think would be the coolest job in the world! I mean, you get to sing harmony and travel with famous people, but you stay out of the lime light. That's what I call PFS (pretty freakin' sweet).
-Be an elementary school teacher..another new dream. I recently thought about this. If Children's ministry doesn't work out (or I can do both), I think teaching elementary school would be an awesome job. I mean...reading stories, teaching kids how to write in cursive, recess, and times tables...yeah I could definitely do that.
-Adopt from another country (country still unknown).
-Show people the Love of Jesus Christ.

Well, I went a little list crazy again...but what can you do? It is what it is. :) Please pray for the senior class as we go off to Honduras!!

~lauren~

My Lists

I'm A Firm Believer In:
-God
-The messiah
-love
-an absolute truth
-laughing
-crying...when people aren't watching of course
-working hard for a good cause
-integrity (doing the right thing when no one is watching)

Things That Scare me:
-snakes (shocker)
-the unknown
-making mistakes
-my future
-my family or friends dying
-never having kids or getting married

Things That Make Me Happy:
-God
-children
-flowers
-suprizes
-feeling needed
-bubbles
-singing
-worshiping
-getting my nails done (does't happen that often)
-dressing up
-things that smell good
-thoughtfulness
-driving just to think (aka waisting gas)
-FCYG
-big sun glasses (the bigger the better)
-good conversation
-sarcasm
-bad jokes
-good jokes
-cute animals
-making over $100 in one night at the OB
-being the only person that actually calls outback the OB
-laughing

So I just thought I needed an update :) This is a good idea...ya'll should do the same in your blog!! make a list of things u believe in, things that make you happy and things that scare you. It feels good. Have a good day! :)

~lauren~

Amazed

My Testimony?
That's a good question. Why do I believe what I believe?
As I look back on my life I realize that even through the struggles, God has protected me more than I could ever imagine. I have no Idea why I am the way I am. Why I love God and choose to follow him. I've always had faith, big or small, it was still faith. I grew up knowing the truth. Even through hard times I still remained faithful, but I couldn't tell you why. I believe with all of my heart that God wants me on his side. For some reason he has a plan for me in his kingdom somewhere. There is no way I would be where I am right now If he didn't.

Bordo and I had a conversation the other day. First off, I was thinking about not going to Honduras because of money. Then he called me and told me that someone wanted to pay for me and Kelsey to go. I didn't want to take the money at first. One, because the church has helped me out too much in my life and I felt bad. Two, because It was more expensive than a trip to Mexico. I was crying on the phone when he told me. He told me to take the money, and to think of it as a faith builder and a blessing from God. He said that sometimes God blesses us for remaining faithful. That's what got me the most. All the times I have not been completely faithful, and he chooses to bless me for being faithful? Did I just contradict myself from the first paragraph?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that God is always taking care of me, even when I don't realize it. The song that comes to mind is obviously Lord I'm Amazed By You.

You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear a sound

Lord I'm amazed by you
Lord I'm amazed by you
Lord I'm amazed by you
How you love me


Find something to be amazed about.
~Lauren~

This is the day that the Lord has made!

Have you ever had one of those days were you're just happy to be alive? I hope you have, because it's a good feeling. With so many things going on and so many things to get done, it's hard to remember that God has blessed you with another day on this earth. Today hasn't been anything special. I woke up around 10 30 or 11, watched lion king 2 (don't judge), took a shower, dropped kelsey off at work, and now I'm just chilling until I go eat dinner with my mom and then I will be babysitting on my night off of work. I'm not gonna lie, I was a little upset about babysitting on my night off, but 1. I absolutely love the little girl I'm taking care of 2. I need money 3. Why be upset? It will be fun. I'm just glad that it's such a pretty day outside! Why am I so happy today? Nothing really special happened or will happen. I'd like to say it's the joy of the Lord!

I just thought I'd post on a good day, since most of my posts are complaints about how confused I always am...jk, sort of.

Have a blessed day,
~Lauren~

I can't think of a clever title

In exactly two months from today I will be an official High school graduate. This weekend was the last time for me to sing UIL music with a choir I have come to appreciate and love. A lot of the people in that choir I have been singing with since the 6th grade. I remember our first UIL competition. I just sang at my last. While we were in the warm up room, we were about to sing through our last song, and all the seniors realized this was our last time to sing together for competition and that we needed to sing the best we possibly could for each other because we owed it to ourselves and each other. Ummm...i didn't make it through the song. I cried. I realized how much I will miss choir while we were singing. Then we went on stage and did amazing.com. We placed 2nd in our class (5A varsity mixed) then we also placed 2nd in the festival (out of all the choirs, bands and orchestras). I felt pretty good about that. Except the choir that beat us were jerks. We beat out a TMEA honor choir. If you're not in choir that probably means nothing to you, but it's actually pretty big time.

So money sucks. I hate it. I hated it when I didn't have it, and I still hate it now that I have it. It stresses me out, because I make money and it seems like a lot, but then I remember that I'm going to a school that costs 23,000 a year to go to. Should I go to ACU? I hope it's worth it. Sometimes I wonder if I should just be a waitress for the rest of my life. I don't make enough to live on yet, but once I get better I could. There are people at Outback that BANK. I could move up and eventually own my very own Outback. How tight would that be? I wouldn't have to work my way through college, and risk not having a social life at all. I wouldn't have to worry about paying off thousands of dollars in loans. Plus, I'd get to wear a bright purple or green safari shirt every day for the rest of my life (don't worry, there are other colors too). Pretty much livin' the dream...I wish life wasn't so confusing. I'm sure it gets easier as I get older...wait, that's a lie. College is already stressing me out and I'm not even there yet. I know that anything worth having is worth working for. Going to the college of my dreams is worth having, so I will work for it. I want to be a children's minister. I want to make a difference in the world, which I have recently discovered is hard to do. Especially when you don't fit into the world. I know it's ok. This world is not my home. I'm called to be in the world not of the world. I walk into the kitchen at Outback and the F bomb is thrown out like it's nothing. It's sad that it's easier to conform to look like the world then it is to stay the way you are. Not that I'm yelling profanity left and right or anything, but I've noticed that it's not bothering me as much as it did at first. I've become numb to it.

I pray that God can use me to make a difference. I hope that that's what I'm living for. Sometimes in the busyness I forget why I'm here. Why I'm called. I want to be good at what I do. I'm trying so hard, that I forget that I'm on a mission field. Please pray that I can be a light at work. This job is honestly hard on me. I was scared to death when I first started. I'm getting better. Some people there think I'm shy. I'm only shy when I'm intimidated, which I am. I'm getting a lot better though, at least I think I am.

Things I love:
-God
-My twin sister
-my friends and family
-FCYG
-children
-music
-flowers
-things that smell good
-roller coasters
-people who inspire me to live out my faith
-crocks
-dance parties
-feeling like I'm apart of something bigger than myself
-laughing

Be still and know that I am God.

I started a new job at outback a couple of weeks ago. I'm not the best waitress. Mainly because I'm not exactly amazing with money, and I'm not very organized. Needless to say, these past couple of weeks have gone by so fast. I haven't stopped and taken a breath. All I do is go to school, work, then work again (working two jobs) then I sleep. That's all. I'm actually getting chapped lips from being stressed out. The reason? I'm not sure. Maybe I can't handle the load. I'm probably not built to run on 6 hours of sleep. I also would like to see people and have relationships with people. I think about the last couple of weeks. How many meaningful conversations did I have? Have I made any one's day? Have I thought about anything besides what needs to be done? No. I don't know why I'm trying to process this. The answer is pretty clear. I can't handle this load. Not by myself. God as not been apart of my life for the past couple of weeks. My prayers have been the ones I say at night because I feel bad for not praying, and you know I haven't been reading the word. I know I need to slow down and not try to take so much on, but college isn't free and it doesn't pay for itself. At least in my case it doesn't. No full rides for this girl. Maybe what is really overwhelming me is that I'm realizing that my life is actually starting. Responsibilities, and the fact that if something goes wrong in my life now, it's my fault. If I don't manage my money well I can't blame my parents like I can for their divorce. My life is in my hands now. The pitty parties are over. Life seriously is like a box of chocolate, and it's not because you never know what you're gonna get. It's cause you're scared to get the nasty coconut filled ones. Well that's my life anyway. Life in fear is not a life worth living. I shouldn't worry so much about my future. Should I? Is it worth stressing over? Or does everything really happen for a reason? If everything happens for a reason should I not take responsibility for my own actions? Because If I mess up it happened for a reason right? For me to learn my lesson and not do it again next time. Yep, I pretty much have life figured out...at the age of 18. Duh. We all think that don't we. Especially me. I'll never be as wise as I am now...Of course my sarcasm is getting the best of me. It happens.

So now I stop. I realize, once again that this life that I'm living has absolutely nothing to do with me. My life may or may not turn out the way I want it. I could grow up to be a lonely old lady with 10 cats, no kids and no husband. Lord willing that does not happen...I'd have dogs too if it were my way. (kidding of course) My point is that I need to stop worrying about the future, and pause in my busy life to just be still and know that God is in control. I'm not saying he is orchestrating my life, and I'm a little puppet, but at the end of the day, no matter what, he still IS. I'll say it again, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS life is like a box of chocolate. You may get the good caramel filled or the nasty coconut filled, but on the outside there's always chocolate.

I hope you like my analogies. :)

come visit me at outback,
~L.rUt~

Commit For Life

So the first time I ever gave blood, was not the best experience. I didn't eat anything that day, and the second they stuck me with the needle, I started feeling a little woozy. I looked at the nurse (my face was turning green at this point) and I asked her if it was bad that I hadn't eaten. She looked at me like I was crazy and said "well yeah I wouldn't have stuck you if i knew that." She was a big black lady, so if you can imagine that it was actually pretty funny, cause she was ticked. So she went and got me ice packs and put them all over my body and gave me some grape juice (score). Now I started feeling a little better, but blood stopped coming out of my arm, so she had to wiggle the needle around in my arm 3 or 4 times. Sick, right? I thought so. It was also painful. She kept telling me to squeeze the ball in my hand. After a while the only thing close to squeezing I could get out of my hand was a little flinch of my middle finger (in the most christian way possible, of course). Finally, they got enough blood from me, and I stood up. They gave me some cookies, and I was on my way. On the way home, I started feeling bad again, so i put the ice pack on my head. Then Once I got home, I laid on the couch and had Kelsey feed me. haha. It sounds a little over dramatic, but I was seriously not feeling too hot.

Today there was a blood drive at my school. I was actually excited, because I had eaten breakfast, so I was going to give blood without passing out. So I walk in the gym, fill out a form, and show some ID. Then they poked my finger, and told me I couldn't give blood because I was anemic. Iron count has to be a 38, mine was a 35 and anything under 36 means you're anemic. Not only did I not get to give blood and save 3 lives, but I took that bullet aka finger prick for nothing. So uppsetting.

So there's no moral to the story today. I just wanted to vent to molesters and rapists who read my blog...just kidding, kinda.

I hope everyone has a good day!

Save a life give blood,
~Lauren~