I can't think of a clever title

In exactly two months from today I will be an official High school graduate. This weekend was the last time for me to sing UIL music with a choir I have come to appreciate and love. A lot of the people in that choir I have been singing with since the 6th grade. I remember our first UIL competition. I just sang at my last. While we were in the warm up room, we were about to sing through our last song, and all the seniors realized this was our last time to sing together for competition and that we needed to sing the best we possibly could for each other because we owed it to ourselves and each other. Ummm...i didn't make it through the song. I cried. I realized how much I will miss choir while we were singing. Then we went on stage and did amazing.com. We placed 2nd in our class (5A varsity mixed) then we also placed 2nd in the festival (out of all the choirs, bands and orchestras). I felt pretty good about that. Except the choir that beat us were jerks. We beat out a TMEA honor choir. If you're not in choir that probably means nothing to you, but it's actually pretty big time.

So money sucks. I hate it. I hated it when I didn't have it, and I still hate it now that I have it. It stresses me out, because I make money and it seems like a lot, but then I remember that I'm going to a school that costs 23,000 a year to go to. Should I go to ACU? I hope it's worth it. Sometimes I wonder if I should just be a waitress for the rest of my life. I don't make enough to live on yet, but once I get better I could. There are people at Outback that BANK. I could move up and eventually own my very own Outback. How tight would that be? I wouldn't have to work my way through college, and risk not having a social life at all. I wouldn't have to worry about paying off thousands of dollars in loans. Plus, I'd get to wear a bright purple or green safari shirt every day for the rest of my life (don't worry, there are other colors too). Pretty much livin' the dream...I wish life wasn't so confusing. I'm sure it gets easier as I get older...wait, that's a lie. College is already stressing me out and I'm not even there yet. I know that anything worth having is worth working for. Going to the college of my dreams is worth having, so I will work for it. I want to be a children's minister. I want to make a difference in the world, which I have recently discovered is hard to do. Especially when you don't fit into the world. I know it's ok. This world is not my home. I'm called to be in the world not of the world. I walk into the kitchen at Outback and the F bomb is thrown out like it's nothing. It's sad that it's easier to conform to look like the world then it is to stay the way you are. Not that I'm yelling profanity left and right or anything, but I've noticed that it's not bothering me as much as it did at first. I've become numb to it.

I pray that God can use me to make a difference. I hope that that's what I'm living for. Sometimes in the busyness I forget why I'm here. Why I'm called. I want to be good at what I do. I'm trying so hard, that I forget that I'm on a mission field. Please pray that I can be a light at work. This job is honestly hard on me. I was scared to death when I first started. I'm getting better. Some people there think I'm shy. I'm only shy when I'm intimidated, which I am. I'm getting a lot better though, at least I think I am.

Things I love:
-God
-My twin sister
-my friends and family
-FCYG
-children
-music
-flowers
-things that smell good
-roller coasters
-people who inspire me to live out my faith
-crocks
-dance parties
-feeling like I'm apart of something bigger than myself
-laughing