Be still and know that I am God.

I started a new job at outback a couple of weeks ago. I'm not the best waitress. Mainly because I'm not exactly amazing with money, and I'm not very organized. Needless to say, these past couple of weeks have gone by so fast. I haven't stopped and taken a breath. All I do is go to school, work, then work again (working two jobs) then I sleep. That's all. I'm actually getting chapped lips from being stressed out. The reason? I'm not sure. Maybe I can't handle the load. I'm probably not built to run on 6 hours of sleep. I also would like to see people and have relationships with people. I think about the last couple of weeks. How many meaningful conversations did I have? Have I made any one's day? Have I thought about anything besides what needs to be done? No. I don't know why I'm trying to process this. The answer is pretty clear. I can't handle this load. Not by myself. God as not been apart of my life for the past couple of weeks. My prayers have been the ones I say at night because I feel bad for not praying, and you know I haven't been reading the word. I know I need to slow down and not try to take so much on, but college isn't free and it doesn't pay for itself. At least in my case it doesn't. No full rides for this girl. Maybe what is really overwhelming me is that I'm realizing that my life is actually starting. Responsibilities, and the fact that if something goes wrong in my life now, it's my fault. If I don't manage my money well I can't blame my parents like I can for their divorce. My life is in my hands now. The pitty parties are over. Life seriously is like a box of chocolate, and it's not because you never know what you're gonna get. It's cause you're scared to get the nasty coconut filled ones. Well that's my life anyway. Life in fear is not a life worth living. I shouldn't worry so much about my future. Should I? Is it worth stressing over? Or does everything really happen for a reason? If everything happens for a reason should I not take responsibility for my own actions? Because If I mess up it happened for a reason right? For me to learn my lesson and not do it again next time. Yep, I pretty much have life figured out...at the age of 18. Duh. We all think that don't we. Especially me. I'll never be as wise as I am now...Of course my sarcasm is getting the best of me. It happens.

So now I stop. I realize, once again that this life that I'm living has absolutely nothing to do with me. My life may or may not turn out the way I want it. I could grow up to be a lonely old lady with 10 cats, no kids and no husband. Lord willing that does not happen...I'd have dogs too if it were my way. (kidding of course) My point is that I need to stop worrying about the future, and pause in my busy life to just be still and know that God is in control. I'm not saying he is orchestrating my life, and I'm a little puppet, but at the end of the day, no matter what, he still IS. I'll say it again, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS life is like a box of chocolate. You may get the good caramel filled or the nasty coconut filled, but on the outside there's always chocolate.

I hope you like my analogies. :)

come visit me at outback,
~L.rUt~

Commit For Life

So the first time I ever gave blood, was not the best experience. I didn't eat anything that day, and the second they stuck me with the needle, I started feeling a little woozy. I looked at the nurse (my face was turning green at this point) and I asked her if it was bad that I hadn't eaten. She looked at me like I was crazy and said "well yeah I wouldn't have stuck you if i knew that." She was a big black lady, so if you can imagine that it was actually pretty funny, cause she was ticked. So she went and got me ice packs and put them all over my body and gave me some grape juice (score). Now I started feeling a little better, but blood stopped coming out of my arm, so she had to wiggle the needle around in my arm 3 or 4 times. Sick, right? I thought so. It was also painful. She kept telling me to squeeze the ball in my hand. After a while the only thing close to squeezing I could get out of my hand was a little flinch of my middle finger (in the most christian way possible, of course). Finally, they got enough blood from me, and I stood up. They gave me some cookies, and I was on my way. On the way home, I started feeling bad again, so i put the ice pack on my head. Then Once I got home, I laid on the couch and had Kelsey feed me. haha. It sounds a little over dramatic, but I was seriously not feeling too hot.

Today there was a blood drive at my school. I was actually excited, because I had eaten breakfast, so I was going to give blood without passing out. So I walk in the gym, fill out a form, and show some ID. Then they poked my finger, and told me I couldn't give blood because I was anemic. Iron count has to be a 38, mine was a 35 and anything under 36 means you're anemic. Not only did I not get to give blood and save 3 lives, but I took that bullet aka finger prick for nothing. So uppsetting.

So there's no moral to the story today. I just wanted to vent to molesters and rapists who read my blog...just kidding, kinda.

I hope everyone has a good day!

Save a life give blood,
~Lauren~

Pride.

My eyes were opened to how much I let pride get in the way of my leadership.

Soul Link 2008: The theme was "Consumed". The big question of the weekend, "Does God have your heart?" My answer was yes. After that, the speaker was kind of all over the place, and not making many points. There were some pretty good skits and what not. I had fun. Worship, as usual was top notch. The MCs for the weekend had their moments. KJ52 got krunk.

Saturday Night of Soul Link 2008: Youth group processing time came. We all sat in the Chapel of the church, as Bordo asked questions. What we learned, and how we can take it back to the rest of the youth group. I listened to all the kid's answers. They had some good ideas, not many of them were really do-able. One kid said we could reenact what they did. Not likely to happen. Another said we can tell them what we learned, but in the end would they do that? And if they did would it just be a story of another retreat? I was about to raise my hand and tell them that what our youth group really needs is for us to reach out and serve each other. If we are "Consumed" by God, then that is what we should do. Then, a senior girl rose her hand. She said the biggest problem our youth group has is that we don't reach out to invisible people. She said more, but that sentence hit me. I was about to raise my hand and tell kids to do something that I have not been doing for this girl. I have known her for years. We were friends, but she stopped coming to church, and to be honest, she's one of those "hard to love" people. She started coming back to some youth events, and I would completely ignore her. Why? Because I had it in my head that I didn't need to. I would see her sitting by herself and I would never go talk to her. All because I told myself that I'm a good enough leader. I serve, I stack chairs, I sing on praise team, I hang out with pretty much everyone at church, I usually talk to the "invisible people", I hang out with the younger kids, and I work for the church...I'm pretty much BIG TIME. I didn't need to talk to this girl... I felt completely convicted to talk to her, so after, I walked up to her and laid my hand on her shoulder and apologized. She needed to hear that. We talked for about 15 minutes, and then we got CRAZAYYY at the KJ52 concert.

Why do I choose who to talk to and who not to talk to? I have been so blessed by that group, and I couldn't be a blessing to her. God humbled me, so here's my message: You're probably not as big time as you think you are, so be a blessing to someone, no matter who they are or what they've done (you have probably done something worse or more annoying). Jesus paid much too high of a price for us to pick and choose who can come. Seriously, it takes courage, but God will hook you up. It will definitely humble you.

Have a blessed day :)

~Lauren~

PS. Mr. Morris's cancer has cleared up!! God's healing power is amazing. I love Amy Morris. The end.

I'm a rebel.

I'm at school right now, and I'm posting a blog. I know...it's out there. The truth is I can't help it. I was born to be a rebel. The rules just don't apply to me.

On a more serious note:

Last night I read the First three chapters of Genesis, and Gen. 3:8 says this:

"Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden."

I thought it was weird that God was walking around in the garden. I always thought that the only time he was in human flesh was Jesus...It's interesting. I'd like to talk about it more, but the bell just rang...off to choir!

~Lauren~

Thankfulness

Thank-ful: /ˈθæŋkfəl/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[thangk-fuhl] –adj. feeling or expressing gratitude; appreciative.

My prayer life is weaker than I'd like it to be. It's something I'm working on for sure. I've realized how much I ask of God. Not that asking is a bad thing, but God has done so much for me that I just look over and never acknowledge. So many of the things I have asked for has been answered, and I have not thanked God for those blessings.

"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."-Col. 2:6-7

Blessings:
-I Lettered in Academics this week. 2nd semester of senior year... it's about time. (so not over it yet)
-Safe Trip to and from Abilene last weekend, with only a few minor directional errors.
-Amazing friends who always have my back.
-The fact that God is opening up my eyes to see his glory.
-God working in my weaknesses (see last post).
-My mom and Bill's divorce!(probably wont ever get over that one)


I'm so glad I'm able to see God's hand in all of this. When I received the text from my mom last Friday morning that said "I'm divorced wooohooo!" I was so happy, I cried in Chapel. It's one of those things you never think will happen, and when it does you really can't believe it. All I ever want is for my mom to be happy and now she finally can be without Bill in her life to bring her down. God is so good.

So now I'm asking for prayers. Please pray that I can forgive Bill. The very thought of that makes me cringe, but when I try to see him through Christ's eyes, I see a human who is hurting. A human who has an addiction, and needs Christ's mercy. Honestly, if I had it my way I'd never forgive him. I hate him. He's down there with Satan to me. But, if God is love and hate is the exact opposite of love, and I'm striving to be an imitator of God, then I have to love him. There is no other option. So please pray for me to obtain this love.

That's all I have for tonight fellow bloggers.

Peace, Love, and Lauren.

When I am weak, my Lord you are strong

Story time.

Ever since I was a little girl I always prayed for my dad. He left us when I was about 4 or 5, but he's always been in my life, in fact I have lived with him for the past two or so years. Lately, those prayers for him came to a halt, because of arguments and the fact that he seemed almost like a lost cause. Then, last night I had a panic attack. I have been struggling with anxiety since this past summer. For anyone who hasn't been through that, be thankful. Anyways, what triggered this attack was a bible study that I lead in the office on Tuesday. We were discussing God's calling, and Drew was telling us how he believed that God called some people to his kingdom and didn't call others. I started wondering if I was actually one of those who God did not want. God hardened Pharaoh's heart, what if he wanted to harden mine? These thoughts made me sick, literally. I have never felt so close to Satan. I felt like he was consuming me. While this was happening, I was writing in my prayer journal, and praying aloud. I kept asking God to keep Satan away from me, and telling God that I needed him. I decided to call drew and talk to him, but he was on the other line. So while I was waiting for him to call me back I walked into the living room, and my dad saw that I was upset and asked me what was wrong. I asked him to hug me, and he did. Then he told me to explain myself. I'm not always the best at expressing emotions, especially negative ones. However, I sat down and did my best. I'm not sure if he really understood. Then, I had the urge to ask him If he ever read the Bible. He said "not as much as I should." I was expecting an answer similar to that. Then I said, "would you like it if we read the bible together sometime?" He agreed. Then I asked him If he had a bible ( i knew he didn't) He said no, but he said he'd buy one. Then he of course asked me if he "could get one with the big letters." I laughed. The conversation ended, and I went into my room and cried. I was having a panic attack and while I'm having it God is using me. Not only is he using me, he is answering a prayer I've prayed since I was a little girl. Also, I wrote in my journal for God to open my heart and eyes to see his Glory. Then I called Drew back and told him what happened, and he read me a verse:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor. 12:9-10

And it is so true. I'm so glad I serve a God who is way bigger and stronger than any of my weaknesses. A God who knows me better than I could ever know myself. Satan is good. He knows what hurts me, and he knows exactly where to put the knife. He knows what lies to whisper in my ear to cause me to doubt. But he's also scared. He's more afraid of God than I am of him, and If God is for me who can be against me? This is what I love about God. He always has my back ;)

Story time is over.

I hope everyone has a good day :)

~L.rUt~