my thoughts lately

SOO it's been a while...again. I never knew life could get so hard. ACU is the place where life was supposed to start for me and everything good in my life was going to happen. I've learned a lot about myself this semester that's for sure. Don't get me wrong, I really like it here. I've made some great friends that I don't want to leave. However I am in a deep financial hole. My parents cannot co-sign for my loans so i'm not sure how i'm going to pay for the remainder of my school. As of now I owe $1000 dollars to ACU just so i can register for classes next semester. I think I can work during the christmas break to make that up, but I cannot work enough hours during next semester to make enough money to cover the cost of school. I love how they told me not to let money stop me from coming here. As of now my older sister is going to try to co-sign for me but she doesn't really know if she'll get approved because she doesn't actually have any credit yet. So if that doesn't work I'll ask my grandparents...we'll see how that plays out. If neither of these options work I don't know what i'm going to do yet. I'm really lost right now in all of this. I knew money was an issue but i didn't think i'd have to worry about it until I graduated. I don't mind working my way through college. I know i'll probably apprieciate it a lot more, but the simple fact is that ACU is expensive. Please pray for God to give me peace and direction in this sittuation. My dad obviously isn't helping me and kelsey and I sharing a car just isn't working out. So Prayers are greatly apprieciated!

Also, about my major. As of now I am still declared Children and Family ministry. That is mainly because of the scholarship. I most likely will be changing to Early Childhood Education next fall. This is something I have been thinking about before I even started this semester, but through a lot of thinking, prayer, observation, and the bit of experience I have, I don't think I want to work in a church. I don't want the place I work to be the place I have to worship. Also, biblically, the leaders of the church are not payed. They lead because the love of christ compells them to do so. I want to do that. I don't want to work in a church as a career. I think that is a reason for corruption in the church. I mean when did churches need a logo and once they get a logo they have to put it on everything like t shirts and car decals... Everything is so structured and planned and it doesn't leave room for the spirit to move. Not that i am against church, these are just things i've noticed. Also i think christians use church to do the work of christianity for them. Church is supposed to be a place where believers gather to worship and fellowship together. Instead, we invite nonbelievers in hopes that church will tell them about christ so we don't have to. Bringing others to christ i believe is not supposed to be done in church. That's why i think that so many people come and feel like they can't live up to these seemingly perfect people. Church is where imperfect christians come and help eachother grow stronger in their faith so they can go out into the world and bring others to christ. Then once they have brought someone to christ that person can join in the fellowship that is church. Also as far as children's ministry goes I think I like the major more than I would like the actual job. From my experience which once again is not that much, a children's minister does not actually spend that much time with children. They spend more time directing and writing curriculem than actually building relationships and ministering to kids. I believe it's an important job, just not what I was called to do. I do want to minister to children, but I am not a director. I can't even organize my own life so what makes me think I can organize a week of kids camp? Not that me not wanting to do this is a bad thing, at least I don't think it is. I just don't see those things as my strong suits and I want to do something that I feel like I could be good at. That's why I want to be a teacher. I think I would be able to reach kids better and build relationships with them in a classroom where I got to see them everyday. I'd get my own classroom and I could decorate it:) and little kids with speech impediments would call me Ms. Whatland cause they can't pronounce their R's haha.

Anyways, that's a bit of what has been going on in my life lately... HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! ;)